Having dinner as a family can be a challenge in and of itself; getting kids to open up is a whole other story. The conversation can easily devolve into an airing of grievances, pent up after a long day; a rundown of what was done, served checklist-style; or, more commonly, an “I don’t know” and a shrug as your kid/tween/spouse/Doll Face Persian kitten pushes around their green beans.

That’s why I loved an anecdote about Spanx founder Sara Blakely’s family dinner tradition, shared in Jamie Kern Lima’s book Worthy: Growing up, her dad asked everyone to reveal one thing they tried and failed at that day.

“In that environment, failure was honored as important, because it meant they weren’t afraid to take risks,” Kern Lima explains. “Is it any wonder Sara courageously started a company with only an idea and $5,000, and was willing to take risks, enduring setbacks and rejections, and stick with it until it succeeded?” (Forbes has estimated that she’s become a billionaire twice over, thanks to her business savvy.)

“What’s one thing you tried today that didn’t work out the way you wanted?”

All too often, we associate rejection and failure with shame, and the way we as parents and family members respond to someone’s vulnerable moments—particularly, the times when someone feels they fell short—can trigger a shame spiral, diminishing a person’s self-worth and causing them to play it small in life, avoiding risks to avoid failing so they can avoid ever feeling ashamed or less-than. What a sad way to live, right?

That’s why I love the reframe here. It doesn’t have to be a question you ask every night; in fact, drilling that into someone’s head day in and day out might be a bit exhausting (and eyeroll-inducing, particularly if you’ve got an angsty teen at the table who’s all too aware of your tactics to open a dialogue).

But occasionally asking, “What’s one thing you tried today that didn’t work out the way you wanted?” and celebrating the risk-taking? That’s a beautiful way to reinforce courage, curiosity and going after you want, and showing that should the people around that table fall short, it’s not the end of the world. They’re staring at a support system that has their back and loves them, no matter what.

You can read more about rejection, failure and building self-worth in Jamie Kern Lima’s Worthy, available on Amazon and at most major bookstores and libraries.