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For the past few months, everybody’s been raving about Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. It was Reese Witherspoon’s Book Club Pick. Author Rachel Hollis said it was like if her book, “Girl, Stop Apologizing, had a wiser, cooler, more thoughtful best friend.” Kristen Bell called it an “anthem for women today.” Adele said it helped her find happiness. Bad Robot optioned it to be a TV series. So what’s the deal with this book?! Well, it’s radically honest—as Doyle has with her previous books, she doesn’t hold back on sharing the good and the bad in her life, and every drop of resilience and wisdom she’s gained through its trials. (In short, the memoir covers Doyle’s divorce, finding love again and realizing that being a responsible, loving mother isn’t sacrificing everything for your kids but one who shows them how to be fully alive and fully present.)
There’s plenty you can read about the title to convince you to give it a shot (if you haven’t already), but I wanted to share one insight people haven’t been talking about. It immediately spoke to my inner, unrelenting approval-seeking.
In a chapter called “Talks,” Doyle shares how her daughter, Tish, views the world so much differently than she does—and how proud of her she is for that difference. She also discusses, in just two simple exchanges, how much her own perspective shifted in just four years as she moved from people pleaser to freethinker:
“Eight-year-old Tish: Keri doesn’t like me.
Thirty-eight-year-old me: Why not? What happened? What can we do to make it better?
Twelve-year-old Tish: Sara doesn’t like me.
Forty-two-year-old me: Okay. Just a fact, not a problem.”
Just a fact, not a problem.
Those words are so simple, yet it’s worth giving them a moment to sink in. What if we handled other people’s feelings toward us that way? If we acknowledge that we’re not going to be everyone’s best friend and stop trying so hard to win them over? Those six words are freeing; they give you permission to stop playing the feedback loop of any minor infraction you could’ve committed to make that person dislike you and move on. On that note, how many other situations could that mantra apply to? I don’t know about you, but I’m down to try anything that can help me overanalyze situations less.
You can find Untamed on Amazon and at most bookstores nationwide.
Lead photo by Aditya Saxena/Unsplash