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Last spring, I’d been feeling strangely tense, with these angry flare-ups the second anyone called my name. It could be my kids, my husband, a friend—and they could simply be wanting a hug or asking what I wanted for lunch. There was no reason for me to feel this sudden burst of rage. It made no sense.
Why was I barely able to suppress these “leave me alone!” outbursts, and where were they coming from? Hormonal mood swings tied to early perimenopause or PMS could be a factor; I’ve adjusted my birth control and overall nutrition in an effort to combat that. But ultimately, the more I read, journaled and investigated, the more I realized my nervous system was maxed out, and resentment was building.
It just felt like I was constantly being pulled in a million directions, and I never had a moment to think for myself. Even when I was alone, my mind was swirling with what I needed to do, respond to, handle.
Like many people, especially moms, we put our heads down and just get through things.
It may seem obvious, but as I rushed from one thing to the next, without taking a moment to check in with myself, I was oblivious to what was brewing within me—until it reached a boiling point and my emotions took over.
I realized I needed to be more vocal about needing time to recharge. Which meant I needed to carve out the time and space to do so.
What would that look like, as an introvert? I needed to weave in a few 30- to 60-minute, intentional breaks from the rest of the world to refuel. It’s something psychologists and research back up—along with the admonishment that failing to do so can result in aggression toward your partner and others in your life.
There’s even a term for this behavior: aloneliness, a dissatisfaction due to your lack of solitude (which can be particularly critical for introverts).
How to Find Time for “Me Time” (Because That’s the Hardest Part!)
- Create a Non-Negotiable “Off-Duty Block” — Pick a recurring time twice a week when your partner is in charge of the kids for an hour, where nobody contacts you at all. You’re totally on your own, and they’ve got to figure things out for themselves.
- This could even be once a week, where you and your partner each have a day for their own solo outing while the other watches the kids. Solo parenting bonding time and recharge time? Win-win.
- Silent Start Mornings — Wake up 30 minutes before your kids typically do, and use that time for quiet reflection. (Easier said than done, if your kids tend to be early risers!)
- Do Not Disturb Mode — Set a boundary that if your bedroom door is shut, you need some alone time.
Whatever you do, make sure you have a plan before going into this downtime. Even if that plan is “I will do absolutely nothing.” Because the worst is when you finally get a few minutes to yourself and spend the entire time debating what to do.
At a loss for what even to try or do? I’ve been there too. After reviewing others’ recommendations, including what psychologists suggest, and testing a few techniques myself over the past year, here are the top ideas I’ve found for squeezing in a 30- to 60-minute burst of alone time that can help you feel refreshed, not isolated (or ready to snap).
21 Ideas to Recharge Your Spirit (Rather Than Mindlessly Scroll Instagram)
- Go on a Wander Society-esque exploratory walk.
- Practice square breathing (aka box breathing).
- Try junk journaling, gratitude journaling or a mix of the two.
- Do a 15-minute yoga flow, either from YouTube or an online class, like Y7.
- Set a timer to organize just one drawer of a dresser or cabinet. (Sometimes, that little productivity boost can be restorative.)
- Try diamond art, paint by numbers or punch needling for a satisfying craft with a low barrier to entry/learning curve.
- Pour your own candle (another simple craft, particularly if you use a candle-making kit).
- Bake something that keeps your hands busy but is simple enough to let your mind wander. It gives your brain space to defrag while letting you feel productive and creative.
- Go for a swim.
- Read one chapter of a book.
- Give yourself a manicure or pedicure.
- Massage your face with an ice or jade roller. Or watch a gua sha tutorial and give it a whirl.
- Tackle Wordle or a crossword puzzle.
- Write a haiku, just for the sake of it.
- Now write an entire freeform poem, based on how you’re feeling at this exact moment. You can tear it up or burn it later; just get the words out.
- Try a 30-20-10 energy booster: 30 seconds of jumping jacks, then hold a 30-second plank; repeat with a 20-second round of each, then a 10-second round. Follow up by slowly drinking an entire glass of water, monitoring how you feel as your body cools down. (I made up this method, based on multiple recommendations to do jumping jacks and hold planks. While I’m not crazy about either, they are pretty effective…and a heck of a lot better than burpees.)
- Declutter your digital life in 3, 2, 1: Delete 3 photos from your camera roll, close 2 tabs and unsubscribe from 1 mailing list. Ahh, simplicity feels good, doesn’t it?
- Put on a record and listen to the whole thing…without doing anything else. Just let your mind soak up the music.
- Go outside, or to a cafe or public space and sketch out a scene you see. Stick figures totally count.
- Go to the beach and build a sand castle, only to smash it down.
- Take in the sunset (or sunrise). Practice taking photos during “golden hour.”
